I’ve decided to have my own little horror festival this week and since I’m feeling the force right now I’ve also decided to share my top 5 best horror films of all time with you guys. Their in no particular order so don’t worry. – Their all special to me in some or other way…
So sit back, relax and don’t worry about that noise you heard just now. It’s probably nothing, I’m sure it isn’t a guy with a hockey mask with a big ol’ rusty axe! Just the wind! Right?
The Hills Have Eyes (Remake)
Up first we have proof that severely deformed cannibal people running around in the desert mixed in with unmonitored gun wielding by a minor and a former police officer is a recipe for absolute success. Plain and simply put – I like this film for it’s sheer twistedness, the fact that the nerd wins at the end and the fact that there’s a dog that reminds me of Dogmeat who kicks the ass of some desert dwelling beasties without much effort.
They set fire to Buffalo Bill from Silence Of The Lambs so that’s bonus points.
Second we have a creepy little girl stuck in a well who interacts with the world via a cursed VHS tape that people watch and end up dying from after various weird things happen. Come on now, let’s be honest – If you’re sitting there in your underwear at 2am in the morning eating chips and a girl in a white night gown soaked in dank well water climbs out of your TV like a f*cking spider, you’ll crap your pants.
Disclaimer: There isn’t an actual ring in this movie and it has nothing to do with The Lord Of The Rings.
Some guy finds out about something he doesn’t agree with and goes bananas, then he kills his entire family. The same family ends up haunting that chick from Buffy The Vampire Slayer. What’s not fun about that? If you ask me this movie had a ton more impact in it’s original form though, (Ju-On) where it scared the living crap out of Japanese people who weren’t aware you could be painted white and open your eyes really wide.
They didn’t have to drown the cat but the cat ghost later on in the movie is an oddly creepy addition.
Dr. Grant from Jurassic Park tries his hand at a different sort of science and builds a ship that quite literally goes to hell. The hilarious escapades that follow include people being set on fire, people being hurled into other dimensions and frozen poop on the wall. I once rented this movie when I was 11 against the advisement of the dude behind the counter at Mr.Video and I ended up having nightmares about a penis shaped spaceship for years.
If you look really close while watching this movie you can actually smell the incorrect space travel theories.
Ripley returns for a second time, completely unaware that she’ll return twice more in Alien 3 to boink some doctor dude and then in Alien: Resurrection again to have some innocent little alien who was born like 5 minutes ago sucked into space through a hole the size of Pikey’s brain. Aliens manages to keep you on the edge of your seat by using every trick in the book such as horny marines who compensate for penis size with advanced weaponry and jump scares involving things in dark places.
Nuking the site from orbit turned out to be a great idea that many other people should have followed in many other horror films.
So there you have it. What are you’re favourite horror films?
Latest posts by Desolation Morris (see all)
- Video Game News: No Man’s Sky Continues To Suck - January 16, 2017
- Movie News: Rogue One – Here’s What The Critics Think - December 12, 2016
- Movie Features: Top 5 Geeky Movies Of 2016 - December 5, 2016
- Video Game Feature: The Best Fallout 4 Mods (PS4) - November 22, 2016
- Video Game Feature: Star Trek Online: PC Vs Console – The Result - September 14, 2016