Editorial: Two Messed Up Theories About Rey – Geek Node

Editorial: Two Messed Up Theories About Rey

Written by
Desolation Morris

The views contained in this article are that of the author and should not be taken as the opinion of Geek Node as a publication.

So now that the theories and hype about Star Wars has died down and I’ve had some time to think and google various questionable things concerning Star Wars. I’ve come up with two wtf theories that won’t turn out to be true concerning Rey’s parents. Follow me once again down a very deep and dark rabbit hole…

Theory #1


Rey is the product of the love that dare not speak its name between Leia and…Luke, her brother! Lannister action, baby, yeah!

She’s one with The Force and that’s why she can learn stuff within 5 seconds. Having been spawned by two super powerful force wielders, Rey has an affinity with The Force unlike any other. It’s also the reason they hid her on some desert somewhere, if Han has to find out his wife was boinking Luke there’d be trouble, not to mention that she has a kid with him.


What makes this theory even more messed up is; if Rey is the reincarnation of The Chosen One (Anakin), Rey is not only the daughter of Luke & Leia, but also their father. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Theory #2


When things went south with Luke’s students and Ben decided to put a pot plant on his head and become Kylo Ren, there was obvious trouble between Han & Leia. So much trouble in fact that we know from the movie itself that Han left Leia to go ‘do his own thing’.

Okay that might not have been such a good idea. Remember Lando? Yes, Lando. Lando was a general in the rebel army once just like Leia currently is, meaning he was probably in the general area (pun-tastic) when Han left. Or at very least as soon as he got wind of Han being gone he would have miraculously shown up.


Even when Han was around, Lando being Lando wouldn’t have let up on Leia – I mean the guy practically put her in a cadillac and carried her off with Barry White playing in the background when he met her in Cloud City even with Han running around with a blaster telling him to piss off.

What if Rey is the product of a fling with Lando? She’d have to be hidden, she’d still have force abilities and Han might even have found out about it and not have told Leia…which might explain that one scene where he seems to know already that she’s good with The Falcon and machinery. If she’s Lando’s kid she would be good with The Falcon, it was Lando’s ship dammit. Han won it in a game of snakes & ladders from Lando.


So there it is, what do you guys think? Do let me know…

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Desolation Morris

Desolation Morris

Guest Contributor - Entertainment
Werner is a strange one...he quotes a lot of things...incoherently I might add, also he reviews stuff from time to time. We still don't truly understand what he is or where he came from. To quote him verbatim: Make sure they see my twitter handle so I can get hookers and drugs.
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